i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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