I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
