Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
