This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
