I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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