Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
