You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
