I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
