hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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