hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
