He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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