I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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