you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she pinky promised me she was 18
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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