I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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