I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
