i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
