I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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