Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
More tranny stories later!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Someone shattered a urinal.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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