I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
