I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
