sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
