He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
