direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
