He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
