we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
