i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
