Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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