also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
