I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
