Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
