i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
