I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
