So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
