just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
