If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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