talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
