she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
