Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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