My friends, they love my intelligence
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
