I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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