I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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