Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
