I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
