how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
