My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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