I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
