Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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