Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
