News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
