His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
