if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
