Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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