i may or may not be watching the land before time
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
