i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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