Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sober January is a disaster.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
