he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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