You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
