i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
