but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
