she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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