she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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