I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
