You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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