Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
