He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
