Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
