So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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