if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
